Posted on October 21, 2014
I started my fundraiser, several months ago, to help get my family out of a hole. My hole was so deep that I was on the edge of suicide. My hole was reaching inside me and swallowing me like quicksand. I had no solid ground to stand on. I was afraid. I wasn't sure how I would buy insulin. Insulin, the very thing I needed and my husband need to stay ALIVE, was out of my grasp. My insulin pump supplies were all on hold. I almost had to give up my pump, the one thing that was literally saving my life. I had trouble finding money to buy groceries some weeks. I was working, I have a full time job and I couldn't support my family’s basic needs. Life was spinning past me and I didn't know what I was going to do. I was scared beyond all belief.
My fundraiser on Youcaring.com- Live, Laugh, Love, https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/live-laugh-love/193076, has helped save me and my family. The generosity of others, of family and friends alike has made it possible for me to leave a large part of my anxiety in that big, black hole. No, I am not out of that impossible hole yet... there are still some medical bills that just haven't been paid yet. I am not sure these will get paid. A large part of my anxiety has been eased. I don't wake up in the middle of the night anymore with my heart racing, my mind foggy, wondering, where am I going to get the money to pay for my diabetes supplies this month? I don't spent every moment with Grace, consumed by the fear that I am going to have another heart attack because I cannot manage the medical bills and debt anymore. When I feel bad and I need to take a day off of work on unpaid leave, I can now because I am no longer being sucked into a pit.
I am not free yet, there is still another $3,500 in medical debt that is unpaid but it is $6,500 less than it was three months ago. If I am unable to finish paying that last $3,500 I won't lose my home, I won't lose my medication and I won't lose my child. I was so consumed with anxiety that I was afraid I could lose Grace because I might not be able to feed us one week, it didn't happen, thanks to this fundraiser, but I had moments where I worried I wouldn't be able to pay for everything we all needed and what if someone found out and tried to take Grace... those were the kinds of thoughts that consumed me. We are much better now. We are under less financial pressure now.
I am still very sick, however, my heart is not getting better. I am having more heart pains and I am plagued with more general illnesses, aches, serious pains and overall exhaustion. I am not going to return to my former self at all. I will not have the energy and zest for life that I once embraced with open arms. My medical issues will continue as will my need for care.
Even when I raise enough money to wipe out the last five years of devastating medical debt, I will still be plagued with medical problems. I will always need insulin and diabetes supplies, I will always need 14 medications a day to keep my heart functioning. I will always need special food and to see doctors at the University of Chicago. Next January, will start a new medical year. My insurance is changing somewhat next year, it will cost me significantly more each week, my deductible is being raised and my coverage is not as good for prescriptions. I am worried already...
If I can raise the last $3,500 I need to pay off the last of our medical debts I will start next year in a better place. I will start the year without adding to an already heavy debt load. I will start the year with only next year's medical costs, not trying to pay off the past few years. The help I have received thus far has been an incredible miracle to our family, a blessing I NEVER imagined possible. If you can give even $5 and you can share this and your friends can give $5 and so on then I can raise the final funds needed to truly, free my family from this terrible disease, this horrific year and start a path to next year that will be less rocky.
I am still sick yes. I am essentially in the last years (year?) of my life. I would love to make those years happier, more peaceful, less fraught with anxiety and stress that destroys my heart even faster. I thank you all that have helped me, your generosity, your spirit, your kindness and LOVE are something I can never repay. Each of YOU is incredible. My LIFE is better because of YOU!
Remember- LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE, ALWAYS!!! It will save you!