Please Help Me Return To The United Kingdom

For: Rebecca M
Rochester, NY
Organizer: Rebecca M
£800 goal
0% Complete
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The Story

Firstly, I am a transgender woman, so if that is a problem, please stop reading.  I am in a very difficult situation.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have found out that I cannot legally change my name here in the US to, because I cannot obtain a court order that will enable Social Security to change it, despite it being changed in my country of birth and Homeland Security.  I've tried all possible avenues, but now I am out of options.  I cannot move forward with my life here with a male name.  After 3 1/2 years of transition, that name is a major trigger and source of trauma that I need to put behind me.  Social Security's refusal to change it impacts so many aspects of daily life, from opening  a bank account, starting a course, getting medical treatment or even joining the library.  I have enough anxiety to overcome to do these things without that name issue.

Therefore, it is not possible for me to live in the US, so the only thing I have to return to the UK, where my name and gender are legally correct.  It's not what I want to do and I hate to have to give up on living in the US, but my gender identity is more important than anything else, including where I live.

My family won't help me in terms of giving me a place to stay until I'm ether eligible for benefits or can find a suitable job.  I have pleaded with my mother in particular, but she does not understand.   I have 2 friends willing to provide me with a place to stay, but I'll still need io pay for my own food and contribute towards bills and rent until I can get some sort of income.  I also need to cover the cost of a flight and train tickets, which I have estimated as:

Plane ticket from NYC to London: £250
Fee for oversized baggage: £50
Amtrak from Rochester to NYC; £50
Train ticket to chosen destination in UK; £100
Food & toiletries (3 months): £300
Prescriptions (3 months): £50


If I can't raise sufficient funds to leave, I'm faced with another very difficult decision, because I cannot live this way.  The money will automatically be returned through PayPal if not claimed after 30 days anyway, so if that choice is made, you will get your money back, as I will not use it for anything else but to get home and back to safety.   Also, if by some miracle I do manage to find a way to change my name in the next few weeks, the money will also be returned as I would rather stay here if possible, despite having no friends.

I accept that I made a huge mistake by leaving the UK.  I received a lot of bad advice and was told by 2 different attorneys that I would not need a court order to legally changer my name.

To help you at least somewhat understand, imagine your worst trauma and then imagine having to risk reliving that trauma.  On top of that, imagine having to deal with people trivializing it and telling you "but it it's just a ......".   There things I can handle, but this isn't one of them.  I already hate my voice, I hate how ugly and tall I am and how I'll probably never be able to afford SRS.  No medication or therapy will ever make me able to accept that name.   It is my biggest trigger and I need to close that chapter, or I will be perpetually trapped in limbo, unable to move forward with my life here in the US.

If you've got this far, thank you for reading.  Any donation is helpful, no matter how big or small.  Please share this page, if you can.  I understand that I'm taking a huge risk by putting this out there, but I don't know what else to do.   I promise this time that I will work hard to adapt to life in the UK.  I will never be able to return to the US to live anyway, because my identity is too sacred to me to risk again.

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