Posted on June 20, 2017
This site has been a source of comfort for our family both in terms of the actual material fundraising comfort and the many, many kind messages we have received since Nina was in treatment and we were scrambling to figure out how to meet our health insurance deductibles. We're now almost four months out from Nina's death. We are doing OK. We have ups and downs and it's been a very strange four months, to be sure. Nina's book was edited and then published. I have been running around telling everyone who will listen how wonderful her book is (it's really wonderful, though if you're reading this you probably already agree). The kids have finished another year in school and are already in full summer swing. With every new thing that happens, I feel a pang of compulsion to tell Nina about it. The fact that she's gone always hits me hard, and makes me miss her even more in light of what she's missing.
But I also feel our lives starting to find a steadier rhythm and course in the post-Nina era. The kids are growing accustomed to being without their mom as best they can, but they're not forgetting her in the least, which I love. We talk about her all the time. And we have her book to focus our attention on her in a really positive, beautiful way. We also have LOADS of support. My father in law Pete, my sister Jennie, our close friends and family both in Greensboro and far flung corners of the globe. They help take care of the kids, they help with all sorts of things, really. And they send their love and thoughts often. It's really nice. It's always funny now when I say that we're lucky because, given Nina's age and the aggressive nature of her disease, it feels very unlucky. But we are really lucky. We have good insurance. We have a supportive family and friend network. I have a full time job with bosses who care more about me than they do about my work (and they care a LOT about the work). The boys are healthy and well adjusted (sorta kinda). Nina's book is a best-seller and getting rave reviews! Ok, the older dog is dying and that's totally going to send me over the falls in a barrel of tears, but it's just one thing and the rest of it is pretty strikingly lucky. Maybe more fundamentally, I got to spend 17 years with Nina. The kids got to know her and were old enough to not only remember her, but to have been profoundly imprinted with their Mom's thoughts, ideas, and personality, which is fortunate for both them and me.
And as we adjust and try to forge ahead with our lives, I think it is time to shut down this particular portal. I've loved having this space. Obviously it was helpful to have extra money in times of need. But even better is that the donations came with messages of support, caring, and help. Even the anonymous donations, with no message or amount listed: every one was a person who wanted to help Nina, or the the boys and me, through a really difficult time. It was part of what Nina called the "hug of the world" that surrounded us these past couple years. Amazing to have feedback from all over the place, from you don't even know where, telling you that people care and want the best for you. So thank you to everyone who visited this site and supported us. I want to leave this up for a couple days so that the message has a chance to circulate, and then I'll shut down the fundraiser. Because as much as I need CONSTANT reassurance in all things, there are so many people out there who need things more urgently and I feel like we've already been taken care of SO AMAZINGLY well both by you all and by Nina, who left The Bright Hour behind for us.
Thank you thank you thank you!!
Lots of love to every one of you.