Posted on July 6, 2018
“May you be as fascinating as a slap bracelet” (“Have it All”, Jason Mraz)
That line always makes me laugh. Memphis is many things, and certainly more fascinating than one of the most iconic toys from my childhood. When “Have it All” was released it was difficult to listen to. On one hand we had a thriving Harleigh and on the other, an uncertain future for Memphis. Every year since Harleigh was born, I dedicate a song (documented in her baby book) that is somehow significant either to that year of growth, something that reminds me of her personality at that time, etc. This year, I’m dedicating this song to each of my children as it’s indicative of everything I want for them.
You may may be wondering how this song pertains to Memphis and why I would want to associate a song about a happy life and future to my deceased son. Because he DID live. It may have only been for 371 days, and everyone of those days was spent in a hospital bed with tubes and wires on a ventilator with lots of medicinal support, but we vowed to make the absolute most of our time with him in his content (albeit medically induced) state.
Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all
Memphis broke a lot of hearts, changed a lot of lives, is loved in infinite ways, had good times and we are always sad without him. In the end, he had it all. All that we were ever able to give him, anyway.
We recently met with with some of his care team to discuss the autopsy results. All of the information confirmed that we, without a doubt, made the absolute best decision for him and prevented traumatizing treatments which would have only continues to delay the inevitable. The lesions which were discovered on his liver were in fact cancer. Hepatoblastoma, a very rare form of cancer which primarily effects children under 3 (often preemies). When it metastasizes, it usually spreads to the lungs next. At the time of his death, Memphis was in no condition to undergo treatment and surgery to remove the masses carried more than a 99% mortality rate for him. His lungs were also much worse than we thought after all of the damage from the ventilator support he received (which in turn was also keeping him alive). While this is devastating news and I want so badly to believe it’s not true, I feel at peace and know that allowing him to pass quietly in our arms was the best thing we were able to do for him.
We will never stop spreading Memphis’s story and appreciate everyone who continues to keep him and our family in their thoughts and prayers. As you can imagine, I’m quite anxious growing Memphis’s little sibling in my belly and am so hopeful we can make it to at least 37 weeks (only 19 1/2 to go!) So please keep those good vibes flowing for a healthy baby and healthy mama, because this summer has not been so kind to me so far! ❤️
Here is the music video video for you to enjoy! https://youtu.be/BFkTu8Y1KLs