Posted on May 4, 2016
And a hush went over the crowd… I LOVE YOU!!!!
LIFE UPDATE: TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF MY RADIATION AND CHEMO!!
AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD, CONSIDERING I HAVE JUST ENDURED 49 Days OF CANCER TREATMENT!!!!!!
Thank You. Thank you for all your positive words, support, messages, letters, snailmails, positive vibes, weird packages, totally random text messages, food drop-offs, dinners, comfy socks, gift cards, BBQ’s potlucks, walks in the park, and YOUR GENEROUS DONATIONS VIA THIS YOUCARING WEBSITE. Brooke (aka Bruce) and I have found ourselves in tears of joy, comfort and we feel more seen than ever before. Whoa whoa whoa. Serious gratitude: We are feeling your energy....It's unreal the love, understanding and grace that is flowing from the community. Totally amazing and (over)whelming in the best way!! The compassion and love you have all shared is just beyond any and all expectations we’d ever have. Holy amazing community of yes, love, life and everything :)
It’s incredible what happens when life forces you to slow down. Like, it’s magic. Really. Everything starts to show up when you look deeper. I’d NEVER ever ever wish or want anyone to have cancer or a tumor or go through anything like this. NEVER. And, for me, the serendipity and natural connection we have to almost everything is real - the realization of our beautiful mortal delicate existence on this planet has become more apparent and special. It’s almost each and every day I run into someone who either has had cancer, has a relative with cancer, or has just been studying at or knows someone working at UCSF/in Oncology: from a Lyft driver to a server being trained for his second day (his mom has the same cancer I have, and “they” gave her 6 months… she is now three years in and counting).
Seriously, it’s everywhere. I’ve found that just by taking off my hat at restaurants, walking into a barber shop to get a trim, getting my nails done (it’s harder to be a jerk on steroids when you have glittery nail polish on), or simply saying hi to everyone I walk by… I uncover conversations with people and realize that everyone is on the Team #WeGotThis! Like really, angels, mystical humans and support come from all directions. We are all connected in some capacity, as long as we open up our connection to others.
This is a totally crazy journey. It's like 50 chapters in an epic novel where I get to truly choose my own adventure with each page I turn; positivity vs doubt; smiles vs. tummy aches; meditation vs. just waking up, singing or playing guitar or walking vs. laying on the couch; vinyl record player vs. iphone music. It's wild. And it’s all apart of breaking the habits and expectations of self, and giving oneself the permission to be and do. AND, also, it’s ok and totally expected to feel some pity, doubt, fear, upset, tears, sadness… and it’s all about how we shape that experience into the next near moment (as it surfaces) that is receptive to celebration of life. What a definite journey!
And, I’m pretty sure you haven’t heard: After I started Radiation (they took me off of steroids and the anti-seizure medication), I had an unfortunate SERIES OF 4 SEIZURES that threw me back into the hospital for 2 nights, jarring my memory and family pretty bad. It’s like your brain is coming out of a washing machine that has a really bad electrical setup and it gets totally zapped… and it's super scary for everyone who witnesses it, though as the one experiencing it, you have no knowledge of what you are going or have gone through. It’s pretty insane. Luckily my Dad (who is an incredible surgeon) and Mom (who is the best mother in the world) were there to care for me… Only in the last few weeks, in all honesty and vulnerability, did my brain really start working again (memory, putting pieces together, making connections, etc). Each day is a new day, an opportunity to be open, humbled and honest with myself and the world...It's really scary, totally real, a little shattering... and together #WeGotThis. Like really!!
Let me say this. My radiation team is amazing. My doctors are brilliant. My family has been nothing but supportive and behind me with their sparkles of life, endless hands on (and off) approach, and just being present for us in all the ways. My mom even cooked a Ketogenic dinner for Passover and sent Kosher 100% Grass Fed Meat to our house. My Dad had a deep philosophical conversation with me about life, money and what’s real on our couch. And I’m incredibly proud of my brothers Shmu and Mobius and their work at Camp Grounded, their ability to show up for me and for the community simultaneously and for taking on leadership with poise and grace.
Of course Brooke (my Fiance) is the deepest and most magical of angels. Words can’t express how much healing, caretaking and support she’s provided. I don’t know if I could make it through this without her. I doubt it'd be possibly. I am forever indebted to you, my love... forever. You are so patient with me being a patient. We’ve changed our whole vocabulary around this experience as well, and that has made all the difference. GET TO vs HAVE TO; COULD vs. SHOULD; etc...
SO… This month, I relinquished much and most leadership to my team in order to focus on my healing. So much gratitude for Honey Bear, Popcorn, Mobius, Shmu, Mei Mei, Moose, Gypsy, Quesadilla and the entire posse of Camp Grounded & Digital Detox folks who's taken everything off my plate. AND to be totally open with you, since I historically made most of the business development, budget and marketing connections, it was not only incredibly hard to do (release and let go), but there is a gap now. So.
Here is where you come in if you are asking yourself, How can I support?!
If there was ever a summer to rally, invite, and assemble your childhood and adult friends together for camp… this is the chance! To be totally honest, if you are asking yourself, "How can I support Levi aka Fidget or Camp?" The best way to support us/me right now is to come to camp, get people to sign up for camp, bring a crew, and help us get BUTTS in BUNKBEDS.
CAMP GROUNDED CALIFORNIA SESSION ONE is 16 DAYS AWAY and CG NY is 35 DAYS AWAY.
SIGN UP.... if budget is an issue, email [email protected] and Popcorn will hook you up with a low-income ticket, a discount or a group/company code. I want Camp Grounded to succeed, to grow and continue bringing people together! The success of 2016 will bring me hope ('cuz I want to be there… rumor has it for 1st Session CA and perhaps NY/NC!), and having campers swimming, laughing and playing will truly help me fight and drive out this tumor. Seriously. When this diagnosis happened, we even considered not doing Camp Grounded New York and North Carolina... BUT instead, over the last few weeks, the team has decided to push forward and go FULL FORCE, trust in the universe and rally.
Thank you.... You give me hope. And it means so so much to Brooke/Bruce and I. So much gratitude for everyone and everything.. And please, take time to be more and do less these days... giving yourself space to slow down, as your own life develops and projects grow. Take time to pause and reflect, as you too plant new seeds for the future.
It also may still be a little bit quiet from our side of the neighborhood for the next few weeks. If you don’t hear from us soon - thank you for your patience. Keep sending love and support as it feels good to you… we appreciate each and every little message, note, package or bad joke. Thank You!
And again… “In the meantime, call your mom or dad. Squeeze your siblings. Tell everyone that you love them. Take time to meditate or breathe or just laugh. This is the moment. This IS the experience. This is it and this is it. And this moment too.” THIS MOMENT is all we really have… so take it in. All hope. All you. All us. All we. All everything.
- Levi aka Fidget
**Confused about what I’m talking about... wanna learn how to support camp? Click here
pps. Packages, snail mail, bad sticky note dad jokes and beyond can be sent to the following address through May 24th (which is the day before our next MRI scans)...
- Via our best friend KJ: Levi and Brooke would love to get letters or little packages and it's a way that they can kind of take things in at their own pace and capacity, especially while we're being mindful of space, peace and privacy right now. Let’s be honest, they might not write back right away... but they are 100% receiving your love and support.
- Levi Felix & Brooke: 1511 20th Ave., San Francisco, CA 94122
Some possible things to send or bring in the future:
- Good old-fashioned letters!
- A drawing or some art you made!
- Markers and craft supplies! (no more coloring books please)
- They are so appreciative of things coming their way. They've also received, well for lack of better words, a lot of junk food! (Albeit, amongst a lot of very yummy healthy food) It's going to be imperative to eat healthy, whole organic foods, so bear that in mind if you send them things to eat. Nothing that turns into sugar (from chocolate to fruit to starches... no carbs). Please be mindful if you decided to send food.