We met in 2002 at Waffle House while we were both still in high school. It was basically love at first sight and we have been inseparable pretty much ever since. This past May marked our 8-year wedding anniversary and our 14th year together as a couple. It seems crazy that it has been that long!
A few years ago, a little after our 5 year wedding anniversary we decided it was time to try to start our family. Our plan was to just enjoy the “process” and not over think everything and without even realizing, a year went by with no such luck. The second year was filled with hardship and grief for us. We lost our beloved golden retriever Zeke and Nick’s mother passed away unexpectedly. Needless to say, our focus shifted as we mourned our losses and we tossed up the fact that we were still not pregnant to stress and grief. We knew that God was telling us it was not our time yet.
That summer, we decided to finally see a reproductive specialist in Atlanta. After running numerous tests, they couldn’t really find an answer; we were what most infertile couples are considered, “unexplained.” At this point, crazy enough, you almost want doctors to find something wrong with you so that you can have an easy answer, something to fix. Take a medication, get a shot, whatever it is, there is a fix for it. Unexplained infertility gives you nothing like that. You are left confused and frustrated because nothing makes sense. On paper, we looked like the healthiest people on earth, but obviously there is something wrong. When you are unexplained, the doctors aren’t sure what to do, so they try a little bit of everything. It starts with taking hormone pills to increase your follicle count, that turns into IUI’s and eventually it leads to IVF. We were so sure that IUI would be our answer; we did not want to have to even think about IVF. We called our insurance at this time to see what was covered and it was at this point out insurance told us that “having a child was a lifestyle choice” and that they only paid for testing and not treatment of any sort. Wait? What?!! You read that right. They will pay to diagnose you, but they will not pay for any type of treatment, and that having a child was a LIFESTYLE choice. Therefore all of our treatment had to be out of pocket. To put it into perspective, each round of IUI cost $2000+ and IVF cost around $20,000; last year alone we spent over $30,000 out of our savings. The doctor’s all but guaranteed us that we would be successful with treatment, so we felt like the risk was worth it as long as it led us to eventually having a baby Christoffersen in our arms.
We started with IUI and after our 4th round we were still unsuccessful and honestly, devastated. We had not experienced even one positive pregnancy test and there were still no answers. We began discussing the dreaded IVF with our doctors. They gave us the financial documents, the statistics, the risks, and told us that it would be the only way we could conceive at this point. We started praying for direction from God, is this really what he wants us to do. Is this His plan for us? How can we even pay for all of this? Shots!?! Lots of shots?! We were just so unsure.
After praying and talking for a bit, we decided to try IVF at least once. We did not want to be left with “what ifs.” We started shots in November and the process lasted through January. We got the call at the beginning of February that our egg did not take and that we did not have any left to freeze. There are no words to explain the devastation of that phone call. That weekend was filled with tears, sadness, defeat. This could not be His answer for us, why would God put us through this only to be told no? It was at this point that we knew treatments were not our answer. Kimberly’s devotional that same day talked about trusting God and that he will show us a new direction that would be better than what we had planned (funny how His words are always there exactly when you need them). In Luke 1:37, Gabriel speaks to Mary about her conception of Jesus and tells her “For with God nothing shall be impossible.” We knew that God had another plan for us and that he promised us a child and we couldn’t doubt now that He could do anything. We spend the next few months recovering emotionally and really setting our hearts to mourn the loss of the thought of having biological children. We really took to Matthew 11:38 and taking time to rest.
Towards the end of this summer we were finally ready to move forward with God’s plan for us. We knew we were called to adopt. We had had discussions about it when we first started dating, but like most, we figured we would adopt after first having biological children. God has spent the past few years pushing us out of our own comfort zone, pushing us to grow in our faith, our love for Jesus and each other, and making us into the couple that he wanted to raise His orphans. We are so excited for this journey. It has been a long road leading to here, full of heartbreak, tears, and sadness, but also full of comfort, grace, positivity, and has given us opportunities that we wouldn’t have ever taken had we not gone through this struggle.
We have spent the past couple of months figuring out how to proceed with our journey and had come to terms with the fact that we would have to wait a few more years so that we could replenish our savings and be able to afford adopting. After prayer and discussion with friends, God has humbled us and helped us realize how blessed we are to have friends who want to help us. We could not have gotten to this point in our lives without your help and encouragement. God keeps telling us to trust him and to not doubt his plan. He keeps pointing us to Hebrews 11 about discipline, hardship, and joy and about the lessons learned through the hardship. We do not rest easy on those lessons; we have learned so much and will take these lessons forward with our adoption and our life. It is very hard for us to open up and admit we need help, but we do. We are almost finished with our homestudy and will be live and waiting to be picked in just a few short weeks. We cannot move forward with our adoption until we have secured all funds necessary for adoption. It can cost upward of $40,000 to adopt domestically and after the past few years of fertility treatments, we just don’t have that available at this time. We love and appreciate all of your support and we know that God will provide for us. If you feel compelled to help, there are a few ways to do so.
- Prayer- Please pray for us through the month of November. Please pray for our family, this process, and for our future baby and their birth mother. We know that God already has our baby picked out. We know the next few months is not going to be easy but know the journey will be filled with much more peace and happiness knowing you are praying with us through it all.
- Smoke Ring Fundraising Dinner -Mark your calendars! On December 6th w will be hosting a barbeque and beer fundraising dinner at Smoke Ring (our friends The Wakefield’s amazing restaurant). We would love for you to come. There will be delicious food as well as a possible auction. More info to come, please let us know if you are interested. Our goal is to fill the restaurant with 100 people!
- Monetary Donations- If you cannot make our fundraising dinner but feel led to help us with our adoption, please consider making a monetary donation on this website. There are many expenses we are facing, the home study, document processing, travel, adoption facilitating, legal fees and more.
- Sharing - Please share our story. We know the infertility affects 1 in every 6 couples and unfortunately it is not talked about enough. If we can help encourage anyone else going through the same thing, we would love to be able to be a light for them during a dark time.