Mayo Clinic/Seizure Testing/Brain Surgery

For: Hannah Brasseur
Medford, OR
Organizer: Hannah Brasseur
Mayo Clinic/Seizure Testing/Brain Surgery (Hannah Brasseur)
$8,710
of $10,000 goal
87% Complete
Raised by 53 donors

The Story

Fundraiser Updates

Posted on November 23, 2017

UpdateImage

Posted on November 23, 2017

I feel like everytime I start to write I have tears in my eyes. Such a strange season of life that I feel is so unreal, and my mind does not know how to grasp it.

I’m currently laying on the couch shaking from how weirdly sick I feel, which isn’t a strange thing in case your’e wondering. No clue if it’s from seizure activity or just my body being the weird self it is. Possibly just all the anxiety, fear and confusion I feel kicking in. I didn’t sleep much last night. I kept waking up all night with my mind racing about the upcoming surgery. It’s just so unreal that this is happening. I want to say how strong my faith is and how encouraged I am, how joyful I feel about it, and how I know it’s all for a good purpose. Sadly that’s not where my mind’s been going.

Before you feel the need to write to me “encouraging” me, just wait. I haven’t really been opening up about everything because I can’t keep hearing people try and fix, help, make me laugh, change my view on everything. Unless you’ve been through a journey of sickness like this just please don’t. I can’t tell you how much it wears me down. I know so much people mean good, but it is the hardest thing to just smile and go, “yep, thanks”.

I’ve vented with others who are very sick about this and we feel the same. Don’t compare your blood draw to this upcoming surgery. It just hurts us. Don’t say you get it because you were really sick for a month in the 4th grade, which of course I’m sad you were, but you’re better (praise the Lord!). This is a daily struggle for SO many people. It’s been almost 14 years of seriously hard health issues. I’m at the point of not being able to smile when someone makes a joke about severe bleeding, seizures, brain surgery, memory loss, me not being able to sit up long because I’ll pass out. It’s just not funny, and it’s not a light topic. It’s a very real and very hard battle I’m going through right now.

I know so much that people do not mean to cause any kind of hurt in me, that’s why I thought I’d open up about it. For me and other people you know who are sick. When people just give me a hug and say they’re so sorry for me, they love me, that means so so much to me. I feel genuinely loved. My dear friend Sloane recently dropped off a bag of delicious food and magazines to help me and I cried. That action meant so much more to me then a, “It could be so much worse.”. The cutest Jessica (who just had a baby!) brings me a meal, and she didn’t even know how I was feeling, made me cry. She just wanted to help. And it helps so much! I feel so loved and cared for! As I write this I know there’s other things people have done but my memory is so far gone right now.

Thank you so much to all my friends who have loved and cared for me! This next season of life is going to be a hard one. December 8th is my brain surgery. They’ll cut open 4 inches of my skull and go in to remove the last remaining part of my scar. I cry as I start typing this. My sweet Dr. said this recovery is going to be hard, this is going to be a lot longer than the last surgery. I can’t even imagine that being true. I was in so much pain, so out of it, severely depressed, couldn’t think right for MONTHS after the last one. Will this one really be harder? I pray it won’t.

Next month I was suppose to be having our baby around this time. Instead I’ll be having my skull cut open. How am I suppose to understand that? I guess that’s when having a God that I really believe in is tested strongly. There has to be a purpose for all these things in my life, there has to be. If not, what even is this life.

We’ve been so blessed with money for this trip and surgery, an amazing place to stay, my parents being able to come. I truly am so thankful for so much. If you’re reading this please pray for the heavy weight I feel. I’ve been blessed so much, but all that is in my mind since the date has been set is this intense surgery. I’ll be out with friends acting as though everything’s normal, I never want to bring up my issues, but dang, I’m about to go through a crazy life event that most people have no clue what it’ll even look/feel like.

Take every thought captive, I know I know. But, it is extremely hard. Everyday is different for me. I’m unable to drive so I’m stuck home most days alone, and wow it is tough. You’re unable to drive till 3 months after having a grand mal. I didn’t think it would be this hard, but it makes me feel even more trapped.

I think about all the hair that will be shaved off, the intense amount of pain I’ll feel, the loneliness I’m scared of feeling (like last surgery), the short term memory that will be damaged more…so on and so on. It’s just a lot. Wow, this is the most depressing one I’ve written yet!

Ha the funny thing is I’m not even depressed,  I’m just overwhelmed!

Getting IVIG on the 4th to make sure I have platelets before surgery! 1st long treatment in over a year. I’m just happy I’ll get to see my sweet sweet nurses.  Please pray for the medicine to work and that I’ll have an abundant of platelets before and after surgery  so I’m not at risk of severe bleeding.

I do hope this all made sense and didn’t sound harsh. I just thought I’d really open up about how hard this has been in every area. So much love to all you who have been seriously supporting me! Thank you for the love I’ve felt by so many.

I may do one more post before surgery, but if not I’ll be back in quite a few months. Thankful to be seizure free, hopefully remembering who you are (half joke hee hee).

This Christmas I’ll be very very weak and out of it so Rousseaux and I are going to get a tree early and celebrate here at home. If you have any other fun ideas to make this special please let me know! I do feel partly guilty for making this a “sad” Christmas (and for way more things) so I wanted to do something special here at home with Rous!



Posted on October 9, 2017

Posted on October 9, 2017

As we are flying above the clouds right now, on our way to the Mayo Clinic. My mind is racing with so many thoughts. I feel like I’ve never felt this confused in my life. I don’t have a “normal” life. I have one full of so many bizarre, scary moments. In tears thinking of what just happened.
Two days ago I had a massive Grand Mal. I had driven up to my parents alone and it happened there. It feels like a dream I had. I just remember waking up on a different couch with 3 fireman over me asking me who the president was. My parents said it took 30 minutes after my seizure for me to actually come to and communicate. It took hours upon hours for my body to recover. I kept asking questions over again because none of it seemed real and I couldn’t remember anything that happened.
The night before I had gone to hear Nick Vujicicspeak with Rousseaux and my dear friend Aaron. Hearing him speak, I feel like woke up my crying soul. I never thought I’d be sick for this long, just never. I thought my life was “normal” once I got pregnant and my seizures went away, ignoring the fact I still had blood disease and heart disease. Nick made me feel like I actually have a purpose in life. That yes, I may be sick, I may get more sick, but I. HAVE. A. PURPOSE.
He’s a man with no arms or legs and is changing and impacting the lives of millions. His humor made me appreciate him even more! To be able to joke about the hardest parts in your life while encouraging other people with hardships was beyond inspiring to me. He’s able to use his disabilities to to touch hearts and minds in ways no one ever could.
I cried the whole time he was speaking. Thank you Nick, for being such a light in this world. You are an amazing example to me!
It was hours after my grand mal and the ambulance had taken me to the ER that I’m laying in bed, barely able to speak. I couldn’t even walk because of everything my body went through during the seizure. I had to have two people for the rest of the night lift me up on to the toilet. I had so many people coming in and staring, so many people trying to talk to me and me just not able to because of what my brain had physically just gone through. And as I laid in the hospital bed in between sobbing and in between asking my parents what had happened over and over again, I thought of Nick.
I’m crying even thinking about it. Yes I was in pain. Yes I was so confused (still am so confused). Yes I was physically hurting. But the words “my physical ailment truly does have a purpose”, was in the back of my head. What I’m going through now, could bring healing and light to others souls. I could be there for others who no one would be able to understand. Maybe someday I’ll get up on stage and talk about all these bizarre things I’m going through, along with my twisted humor, just to be able to make someone feel the way he made me feel.
It’s been 3 years since my last grand mal. They don’t know what caused this one. No change in any medicine, no change anywhere. Why did I have one this big after my major surgery? So many questions in my life I’ll probably never know, but I have to trust that the Good Lord has a plan. I have to or there’s no point in this life.
Tomorrow I begin all of my testing for my brain. I’ll be strapped to a hospital bed with so many wires connected to my head. Please pray for my patience, answers, wisdom and understanding for Drs., patience and love for Rous and I (we’ll be in a room for over 5 days 😂), and for my fear of the future to be gone. Yes, a much bigger brain surgery is in the works. I’m scared of what could happen after that one, scared it won’t heal my seizures, scared I’ll have worse memory loss, afraid I’ll become more blind, worse at the ability to think of words when I’m verbally communicating and so much more. But I can’t let that consume my being. Everything is planned and ordained by the Lord. There is a purpose for it all.
I feel my small heavy heart starting to have a little bit of hope.
Thank you to all the people that were there for me for this big bizarre seizure. My sweet ambulance girl (who said she followed me on Instagram?! Say hi!!!!), the cutest sweetest nurse in ER, oh my goodness she was such and amazing human! Dr Suarez, for truly being there, truly caring, calling Rous to try and help find him (he was camping out in the middle of nowhere :/) and he prayed over me, what an amazing man. My parents said my brother prayed over me at home after my seizure and was so loving to me which means the world to me! My sweet Father in law Réal and Mom Cheri for driving all over the mountains to find Rous and showing me so much love and care, my dear sweet Mikaela who lives right next door to me, having a friend who truly cares and gets me means the absolute world to me. Of course my sweet Rous for being found and coming to the hospital late into the night. And most of all my Mom and Dad. They were there with me through this all. So beyond loving and caring. I couldn’t talk or really move but they helped with everything. Always comforting me with their loving touches, figuring everything out with Drs and nurses. Thank you for being there, I don’t know what I’d do without you two!
And thank you SO much to those who have given to help me along with journey! I’m hoping to get all my cards written out, but if not just know I love and appreciate you so much. You’re helping me be able to live a better life ❤️


Posted on September 18, 2017

Posted on September 18, 2017

As I sit down to write this I feel like I have no words. It’s been months of actual opening up about my life to people. I’ve had so many ask how I’m doing, how’s my health, how’s everything. From the outside I look “great”. On the inside it’s not so good.

I had a year of life like one I can’t remember. Jobs, life, really feeling alive and being able to do things. I never really had a desire to get pregnant and have a child. Most of my days were full of severe fatigue and seizures. And with the high risk I am from my blood disease, it was never a great desire. Soon after my brain surgery last year, when I recovered and was living a life with no more seizures, I started wanting a little family. We decided we’d try after our amazing trip to Australia.Within a few months of being home we were already starting a little family. I was due late December. We were so beyond excited! I finally felt like a “normal” woman with a “normal” life. I thought, “I’m not going to be just this sick girl anymore.”. We began planning our little adventure of a new life together!Having a baby growing inside me, seeing the ultra sound, seeing the heartbeat is something I never thought I’d feel. There was REAL life growing inside me, and I was carrying the child! I’m sitting in a coffee shop as I write this, and am just crying. What an amazing experience that was.It truly made me look at my life in a whole new way. Who was I going to be as a mother?! I began reading and really growing in my walk with the Lord. I wanted to be the greatest example this baby had of love.I began reading a book and it changed my whole thought process on life. I won’t go into details because that would be so crazy long. It opened my eyes to how I viewed myself and others. I was so quick to judge and be harsh to others. So quick to see the negative in others. So desperate for others to want to be “better” people. And that really made me such a negative person. Ever since I was 12 I’ve been sick. I’ve seen the world differently than kids my age. While my friends were worried about grades, boys, and how they looked I was worried about bleeding too much, my treatments in the hospital, what my blood count would be. I began to judge everyone and become such a hard hearted person.I thought if I can’t get my body to be healthy, then I will try and be the “best” person I can be. It wasn’t a mindset based off of love or kindness at all. I felt so unloved by so many people because I felt like no one was there for me, but no one ever really understood because they’ve never been through it. I felt so unloved by God because he allowed me to get sick and more sick over the years.  I viewed my self as this worthless and pathetic person, and I tried to be a better person so I would feel worth something.It is such a heartbreaking mindset that I had and I’m so glad my eyes were opened to it. I do know that I’m loved by others, and I know Jesus is so dearly in love with me. I feel so sad it took me so long to realize this. I feel so heartbroken how judgmental and harsh I’ve been to others over the years, just hoping they’d see their little problems as not so big of things.The Lord used this time of being pregnant to open my eyes to it all.During my pregnancy I felt a seizure. I hadn’t had one in over a year. I was confused and baffled that I had one. I used to have over 20 a day, and then just none for over a year. Suddenly they were back, and my life was about to take another turn.I had a good healthy year. It was a glimpse into a lifestyle that I appreciated SO much! I had a year of zero seizures and thinking I’m not this sick girl anymore. I’m about to be a “healthy” mom!When we went in for a check up and there was no heart beat, I felt so alone and so confused. Why? Why is this being allowed? Am I not worth it? Why do other girls my age get children and I don’t? Why am I the sick girl? Why are my seizures back?These questions still flash through my mind and I just have to give them to the Lord, otherwise they’ll eat at my mind.I thought my identity was a sick girl. My whole identity. My whole life. That’s not it though. I’m a dearly loved woman. Loved by God, loved by family, loved by my husband. If you’re reading this and you’re identity is in your biggest struggle, I greatly hope you’ll be able to break free! I feel like a new person now!I’m so thankful the Lord allowed me to feel like that with this next new journey starting up… a second brain surgery is in the works. Since my seizures are coming back strong, and I’m back on the highest dose of medicine, my drs are hopeful that open brain surgery will be able to remove every part of the scar that is causing seizures. Before they did laparoscopic because of the danger I have with internal bleeding. My platelets having for the most part been staying around 50,000 though so it would be more safe for them to open up my skull and remove the scar.The last surgery left me with blindness on the right side of both eyes, short term memory loss, the ability to think of words (my brain has rewired a tad bit to get better at it), and my balance is completely off. When my Dr and I started talking about a more intense surgery for it I was incredibly concerned that I’ve have more things like this or worse! They never told me I was even in danger of those. She said since my skull will be open and the surgeon will be able to see the exact spot I’m not in danger of things like this again. Oh how I pray that is true!They told me last surgery that it’d be a week of recovery… I was so so sick for months. My brain was so swollen, and the parts that were swollen were the ones that trigger depression, and fear. But it was something that couldn’t be controlled because those parts of my brain were swollen.I’ve been struggling with such fear and anxiety over this next surgery. Oh how I hope it’s not has bad…even though it’s way more intense. Trying to trust the Lord. Oh dear I’m trying. I ask for prayer if you’re reading this. My life has had so many turns that I just don’t understand, but there is a purpose for it all. I have to daily remind myself that.Next month Rousseaux and I head to the Mayo Clinic and begin testing for the next surgery. I will be strapped to a hospital bed for 4 days hooked to all these wires on my brain. Making sure they find the exact pinpoint of these seizures. Pray they find it without struggle please! Pray for my sanity. It’s so hard being strapped to a bed. Crying thinking of it now.Last surgery we had spent a little over $20,000 on hospital bills (not all care is covered by insurance  ), traveling, housing, food and care. We were SO incredibly blessed by the generosity of those we love and some we don’t even know donating to us.My heart has felt very weak this round about opening up and asking for help, but we are in need. I feel partially guilty because last surgery changed my life for a year, and now they’re back. I feel scared people think it was a waste of their money, which I know is a lie. Oh how my mind is full of lies with this whole health thing. We kindly ask if it’s put on your heart this time around. We’re so beyond grateful for all the love, care and generosity we’ve been given over these years with my health and our family.People always ask how they can pray for me with all this and I will gladly ask for prayer. Peace through it all, trust in the process, wisdom from my drs, the testing to give answers, provision for all the needs, healing for my seizures ♥♥♥If you have any questions about it all please feel free to write to me!

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