Our Journey to adoption In December of 2012, David and I made the decision to start our family. We always knew that we wanted children, and, after almost five years of marriage, we thought the time was right. We had a trip to Disney planned with some friends for the beginning of the new year; a trip which, according to my newly installed fertility tracker app, coincided with my ovulation. To us, it was a sign that the decision was the right one. We decided privately that this trip would be our last splurge before the transition into parenthood: a last opportunity to have grown-up fun before our lives filled with diapers and late-night feedings. It became an inside joke between us for the week- each time we passed a ride warning that it wasn't for pregnant women, we would squeeze hands and share a knowing look. By the time we left, we had ourselves almost convinced that we were pregnant; the timing, the magical location, the newness of our decision all seemed to be part of the universe aligning to make our dream come true. But, a month later, I was cranky and craving chocolate in a very non-pregnant way. We took it in stride. We were just starting out, of course, and all of the websites we looked at said that the average amount of time it took for young, healthy couples to get pregnant was six months. You didn't have to start worrying until you'd gone a year of trying with no results. One month was nothing- everyone said so. Three months was barely more than one, no reason to be concerned. After six months of trying, we figured we were just in the longer half of the national average. Nine months into the year, the realization hit us that had we gotten pregnant in January, we would be nearing our due date... And then, that December, we hit the year mark. The holidays were a nice distraction from the fear in the backs of our minds. But, as 2014 began, we had to acknowledge that something wasn't right. The first thought was our timing was off. We invested in ovulation tests and basal thermometers, and charted our best days. Or, maybe it was our diet and (lack of) exercise. So, we started taking extra vitamins and eating leafy greens and got a gym membership. Another six months passed, and we realized that it was probably time for some outside help. We scheduled physicals and a trip to the OBGYN for some professional insight into what was going on. The next few months were filled with a lot of doctor's visits and a progression of increasingly embarrassing and invasive examinations for both of us. In the end, the results were inconclusive. David had a clean bill of reproductive health, and aside from a very mild case of poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, everything was fine on my end, too. Our doctor recommended three rounds of Clomid, a drug designed to stimulate ovulation. She smiled as she called the prescription in, and let us know that the treatment had an increased rate of multiples. She said that if this didn't do the trick, it would be time to start exploring more costly and invasive treatments like IUI or IVF, but, she gave us every indication that Clomid was the answer. So, in September, I started the first round of medication, unaware of the effects that it would have on me. By the time the last round was finished in early December, I knew something was wrong. The medication that was supposed to fix our unexplained infertility, had instead wreaked havoc on my hormones and left me with a new diagnosis of major depression. The beginning of 2015 was six months of hell for both David and me. I was nauseous, unable to sleep or stop crying, and filled with feelings of anxiety and hopelessness for a full half year. David, to his credit, supported me through it, and lived up to every vow he made on the day we were married. With the Clomid woefully unsuccessful, we started googling local fertility clinics- but our hearts weren't in it. At some point between ovulation tracking and providing specimens in little plastic cups and the severe after-effects of a low dose of hormonal treatment, starting a family had stopped being fun and started to feel like a burden. And, although we both still wanted to be parents, the physical and mental costs of fertility treatments were too high for us to justify. And so, we found ourselves looking into adoption, and, immediately, we loved what we learned. The literature we read and the people and agencies we spoke to, solidified that this was for us- this was the way we were supposed to bring a new someone into our family. We've taken the long way 'round, but we finally feel like we're in the right place.