Hello, my name is Dev. I'm sorry for not putting my full name, but I can't risk that for obvious reasons. I'm a homosexual young adult who, due to some recent health issues, ended up living at home with her parents once more. The issue is that the environment has steadily grown more and more toxic for me. Not only have I (possibly permanently) disabled myself due to an injury that I was convinced to ignore, but I'm consistently and constantly made to feel that I'm not in a safe and secure home here.
As I've been going to a therapist lately it's become clear that I'm a victim of emotional abuse. I'm a sufferer of PTSD due to an assault on me during my childhood, and that leaves me already in a rocky emotional state. Couple that with a father who not only is violently hateful toward anyone LGBT (I am not out of the closet for this reason, but he has cornered me multiple times hissing that I "look like a dyke" and says often that "people that sick and wrong deserve to be gut shot" I cannot be certain that he doesn't suspect or that he won't find out by intruding in my privacy) but also has been viciously mocking me for getting help at all with my mental health by saying I don't deserve it and that if I'm not strong enough to live I should just do us all the favor and die. I have been attempting desperately to get out of this home for months, but the fact that I can't stand more than a half-hour without intense pain has hindered me in finding local jobs (this is a small town and not much is available).
He's broken into my room and rooted through my private things in an attempt to prove that I'm scamming him and my mother for the time I spend here. He reminds me every day that he thinks I'm useless, that he does not want me here, that I am a disappointment to him, and that he would like to kill people with certain political views. I have been shamed to the point where, if no other family member is present, I cannot bring myself to even eat (I'll go two to three days without food until I can catch my younger brother or my mother so that I'll feel safe enough to feed myself).
The fact that he has such good standing with my small town community makes it terribly hard for me to get help outside of the house, my therapist is the only one who really knows what's going on and though she's struggling to help me find solutions my time here is getting more and more precarious. At this point I just need enough to get out and get on my feet. Please, I'm almost begging at this point. I can't keep waking up every morning with the realization that every day is a struggle just to survive. I feel hunted and unsafe and I just want to be somewhere where I can feel free again. Please.