Posted on December 12, 2017
Much has transpired. Some good and some bad. On the good side, my landlord and I have made some peace between us. He apparently found my social media painted him in a bad light and wished that I would let people know he is a good person. He felt it sounded like I was a poor, sick woman being kicked out by a mean landlord. So, I said that if he could cease to do things that I perceive as mean, I would definitely stop offering that perspective on my social media. Since then there has been no strife between us, but I still have great difficulty trusting someone who has promised to do me harm, and the notice to quit has not been rescinded, so I am still being put out in mid-winter because it is what the landlord feels will give him the most peace and balance. It gives me the opposite of peace and balance.
So, on the bad side, I have found and then lost numerous apartments because the moment that "housing voucher" or "disability" or "not employed" enter the discussion, the discussion ends. As my niece was keen to point out the other night, it is illegal to discriminate because of my disability, but it is not illegal to just stop calling me back. It is heartbreaking and frustrating. So, I started working with a service and had them do the searching for me, and have found the perfect apartment, and am impatiently awaiting a generous donation from a friend to cover the deposit and application fee and praying that nobody else puts in an application while I wait. Because this is my last shot at staying in Chicago. If this falls through, I don't have the energy or resources to keep trying. I don't know what that means, but I think it means that I am not destined to stay here ... but I want to, for lots of reasons.
I received lots of generous gifts over the past several days. Thank you for giving, and for helping me get through the bulk of December. And while I do have the money coming in for the deposit on the apartment, if the city doesn't move very quickly with its process of verifying and inspecting and negotiating before the lease can be signed, I may still find myself homeless for a little while. I'm to leave this apartment January 1st or be subject to legal action, according to the most recent notice the landlord has given. I have verbal agreement that he will await the move date given my the housing authority and not take legal action, but it is hard to trust that word or feel that staying beyond that date will be safe or wise. But I don't have the resources to stay elsewhere. So, please continue to donate generously. We won't travel or celebrate the holidays. We will only pack and wait for word on whether or not we can move, anxiously suffering the "what if" scenarios that I so wish I could keep out of my head. I will get all that I can ready to move--updated records for the pet, suitcases apart from the boxes in case our things need to be placed into storage, paying off past due utilities so I can shut off and move and turn on others later, and eating weird meals because I am trying to empty the pantry instead of purchase more foods that will just need to be moved from place to place. I also have numerous medical appointments the next several days, and while those are appointments that are beneficial and that I look forward to, they also take time and transit money and energy that I need for packing and moving.
This is getting long.
Basically, I'm exhausted, and constant worry about where or whether you live is torture, and being treated with such disrespect and disdain because of my disability and my poverty is painful in new ways that break my heart. And I need more resources. So, I need more money and more time from you, if you would please offer it. I have pet fee, vet visits, December and January bills, grocery (because my foodstamps and still messed up and I am getting $17 a month for food), medical co-pay (because they also screwed up my medical and switched me from Medicaid/Medicare to ACA, even though I am a disabled individual), transit expense, and funds needed for movers (because I anticipate no help on January 1 and am utterly incapable of loading my household into a uhaul truck alone). So, $3285 is my estimate for the next six weeks, including bills in both places. Some of that might be offset by the sale of items, since some of this stuff is definitely not coming with me. But that is still a big number, and my income isn't going to manage all of it. Please continue to give generously to keep me moving through this insanely challenging period. And send all the good vibes and prayers you are able to send, because I have been forcing my body and mind through way too much already, and there is so much more to go through. If you are local, get on over here and help me box some stuff up, please. That would be a tremendous help.
Love to all! I am so encouraged and so grateful because of your abundant love and generosity toward me. It means so much to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!