Posted on December 23, 2017
“You don’t look sick”. If I had a dollar for every time I have been told this, then this fundraiser wouldn’t be needed. What does sick even look like? Why do people expect to see my extreme pain, immense fatigue, racing heart rate, nausea etc etc? I don’t ask a cancer patient to see their tumour, or a heart disease patient to see their heart, so why am I expected to justify how sick I am constantly? There are leading doctors who treat tick infections and cancer who have said that late stage neurological infections (like mine) have a lower standard of living than cancer, heart disease, diabetes and various other conditions. Yet, I still get to hear that people don’t believe I’m sick, or don’t believe I’m sick enough to not be at some event because someone they know who had cancer can do it. Why do people automatically assume I’m lying rather than seeing that I’m actually suffering terribly if I can’t do something basic that a healthy person can? I won’t leave the house if I’m vomiting, too weak to walk or crying out in pain. You will only see my worst days if you live with me and everyone else sees me at my best.
Christmas is a particularly hard time to be sick. There is so much pressure to attend every Christmas event, but my body cannot do it. I feel incredibly guilty that I can’t do what a healthy person can, but if it were as simple as will power, then I would be there. Unfortunately it’s not that simple. Every cell in my body is sick, and just because you cannot see that by looking at me, does not make it any less true. Judgement from others weighs heavily on me, especially at this time of year when I’m already struggling to make it through each day. Christmas should be a time for compassion, so please understand that if I’m not at an event, it’s because I cannot physically be there. I really hope that treatment in Cyprus next year will make Christmas time much less of a burden for me - I would love to enjoy Christmas again. If you can help by donating, I would so appreciate that. Sharing this fundraiser also helps a lot. I am sick in bed today, but every donation and kind word helps to keep my spirit up and hope alive.
I hope you and your loved ones have a safe and happy holiday period x